I believe in living life without regret. I think regret is something that slowly destroys us. I feel like it just keeps on making you question yourself “what if?” Growing up I always had issues with anxiety, when I had a friend that invited me to be a part of her quince court, I had to decide whether to give into my anxiety or to be there for her.

As a kid I was always did what I was told or what was thought to be the best for me. My parents always wanted me to be social and make lots of friends as a kid. I was carefree until middle school. I made my first friend in middle school her name was Sophia. We even lived in the same neighborhood, but we were total opposites. She was more of a social butterfly, and she knew how to do make-up and she was never nervous, while I was more to myself doing my own thing.

Ever since we were in 6th grade, we’d always talk about having a Quinceañera, which is a tradition in Latin American countries for girls to have a sweet 15, I never realistically thought I would have a quince because they would typically be around $15,000 or more for the whole party. When I found out how much the party would cost, I couldn’t ask my parents for a quince.

So, I would always imagine having one and look at dresses. Sophia would always talk about having a court, in a traditional court there should be seven Damas and seven Chambelanes and they would pair up into couples then theirs a man of honor who would pair up with the birthday

girl making 15 couples. She assumed that I would be part of her court. When her quince was coming up during 9th grade, she said that I had to find a partner and she told me when her dance practices were.

I was mortified I had to find a partner and I had to dance in front of everybody. When I say everybody, it was going to be all of her family, some of my family, and some kids from school. There was going to be a little more than 200 guests watching everybody in the court being the center of attention.

So, I spent a couple weeks trying to make friends who could be my partner at school. During those couple weeks I would try to calm myself down as well, but I couldn’t I would only feel myself getting nervous. The only thing I would think of is messing up and people would start talking about me. By the time her dance practice started I had to tell her that I just couldn’t be in her court.

I felt awful when I told her that I wasn’t going to be able to be a part of her court though she still invited me as a guest to her quince I felt relieved because it felt like weight lifted from my shoulders.

After the quince we went on with our lives and we just stopped communicating even though we lived in the same neighborhood. Now I’m just wondering what if I was a part of her court would we still be friends? Or did we just grow up and start focusing on what was important. So, from that day forward I said to myself I wasn’t going to affect how others saw me or thought about me because no matter who you are people are always going to have something to say about others.

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(Read all the pieces in This I Believe; featured image from Pixabay)