A wish for the whys.

I’ve wasted a lot of time wishing    


Wishing things would unfold differently than they did. 

Wishing people would behave better than they had. 

Wishing I had something I didn’t. 

Wishing it was something it wasn’t.


I was.  A coward to this reality.  A victim of the whys.  I woke up

trapped in a wish.    And wanting it all

to be different. 



Softer.         Kinder.              Sweeter.                   



I’ve wasted a lot of time waiting.

Stuck in that wish.  Stopped in this life.

Wondering without wonder. In the effervescence of curiosity without the spirit to behold

And Always wishing for Something other.


A coward to the fear that was in my blind spot

Nothing was wrong but I made it so.

Misled by the signs.  Or maybe I misread them?

My mind told me lies and it ran the show where I’ve found myself

                                                                                                                         wandering with the whys.


                                                        Entangled in All that has eluded me.  Many moments skipped past me and flown by.

                                                                                                                                       Persistent coward with stillborn dreams,

                                                                                                                                 I stand.  Here.  In the afternoon.  Of my life.   

                                                                  Still stained from those years.  Realizing too late, the whys don’t make me wise.

                                                                                                                                                                And before it all floats away

                                                                                                                        It happens again, this time without my permission.


                                                                                           I   wish.


This time I allow it to be

This time I invite it in

I don’t guard its result; I don’t demand its return or waste life waiting

This time, I forget altogether.

What are you looking for?