Karmic Love

Unable to explain your feelings is hard. How do I tell you I hate you while expressing I love you simultaneously? Heartbreaking responses may occur, am I prepared? What I’m about to confess will have its consequences. Shall I expel my pain? Do I dare contain my suffering for your well being? How do I say “I despise you.” while sparing your feelings? Is it possible? The more I wait for your acceptance the more I feel like a stray kitten, looking for a home where home should already be. Do you enjoy it, huh? Can’t you see the agony that manifested from your overwhelming expectations.

Second guessing, I second guess your love for me day in and day out. Mixed emotions, one minute I feel love, the next hatred. A mother, daughter bond should be treasured, correct? I don’t understand, why me? A rope bridge wishing for my downfall with every step I take, that’s what you are. No matter how far I go there you are, the devil on my shoulder.

You say I am beautiful, but your expression says otherwise. You say you accept me, yet your attitude says “disgrace”. The mendacious being you are!

“You’re Spontaneous.”

“I’ll support you.”

“I Love you.”

All lies!

Control me no longer for I am not your voodoo doll! I accept myself, I love myself. Why can’t you recognize that I love the characteristics I’m expected to hate? I don’t need your approval, so why does it ache so much?

What are you looking for?