Late Night Wounds

“What would 12 year old me, say about me?” 

You asked that question, last night 

I tried to, I told you how I felt and cared for you because I love you 

But after I hit sent in the message 

I took a shower and broke down crying 


Remembering the tragedy I went through 

That I tried so hard to conceal with laughter and smiles 

I realized no matter how much happiness and love I share 

I can’t hide those nights and can’t avoid that pain 

It haunts me, every day 


I wanted to fall in the eternal, endless sleep 

Restlessly praying and hoping I would never see another tomorrow, again

I cried and died; I tried several times in my life

When I had lost hope, but god really said nope 

Made me wake up and endure endless pain 

It made me strong but it added baggage 


Baggage that has drowned me so many times in so many ways 

You could never understand 

That makes me feel defective

Infected with the constant feeling of neglect

Rejected in love continuously 

Unexpectedly I give the most but never receive 


12 year old me suffered, neglect, betrayal, lies, disappointments, mental, emotional and verbal abuse

Her anxiety and overthinking just added to the unending fucked up shit 

Every thought become a suggestion, she was taking under consideration

Her demons had become her angels 

She had fallen in the black hole 


Younger me felt the need to cut her wrist, to ease the pain internally within

Wanted to escape this world and prayed to god it heard her pleas 

Believed Advil was a way to kill all the pain, never worked

Believe that running and avoid the problem would make it go away 


12 year old me didn’t think I would be standing here 

It made me realize she would be proud of all the endless fights I have fought 

Whole childhood has been an infinite battle

Full of ceaseless trauma and scars that haunt my life 

Year after year 

Pain across pain 

Tears after tears, yet I’m still here.

What are you looking for?