Victor Carmen: “Onassis”

To whom it should concern,

I’m not going to lie, I loved you. Everything from the very beginning of our time, it was all perfect. Honestly for the life of me why everything turned upside down, I’ll just never know.

The time that we both shared was the greatest, nothing could ever compare it when it was all with you. But for some unknown reason, everything white turned black. I thought we were gonna make it, make it to the finish line.

Unfortunately enough, the finish line you saw was a different color than the color that I saw.

I felt bad because I ran as hard I could, solely on the fact that in the end I somehow thought that we were both gonna be truly happy. I ran the second as I saw you, didn’t hesitate, not one bit.

What made me cry was that all of a sudden I looked around, and there was no one around.

No one, not even in the eyes of a bunch of random strangers not one person. But what hurt me the most was that there was no you. I looked all around and for some reason you weren’t there, at least not as far as I could see. Makes me wonder if you were ever really there for me to begin with.

I’m sorry but I’m realizing now that when I look towards the wind, it feels a lot better without you, I don’t know why but maybe it’s because I can finally breathe again on my own.

I’m sorry but you can’t blame the stars for how dark the night sky is. Same goes for us, you can’t blame me for how much you said you loved me when compared to my love for you this whole entire time I was with you.

You’re telling me you failed me but no, you’re wrong. You failed my love and trust for you. The future that I saw for us was going to be our future, me and you. But now I see that what you want was something I never really wanted.

I couldn’t believe I’d ever run out of tears at the thought that every word you said never justified your actions. That’s when my feelings for you were like the sun and the moon, both ever so special and different in their own way to ever truly exist and be together forever. Together, us, even as one.

On the bright side, know there was more than a thousand days that I couldn’t wake up without you, without your hands, your hugs or even your everlasting warmth. Regardless of all the truly incredible and amazing things we both did and all the truly fascinating things we’ve seen with our own eyes, it kills me to know it was only a tiny piece that we would’ve ever truly shared in our lives together.

But now the sun rises just like me, all on its own.

You’re no longer in my thoughts, so don’t ever say you loved me when you never even respected me to begin with.

I’m sorry my decision is making your heart bleed but all of your own decisions
were gravity to me. They weighed me down emotionally every single time.
But hey,
I know,
I know you’re sorry you never meant to hurt me
but remember I didn’t even ever love you once.

Or two times, or not even three times, but a million times
me and my heart said,
“I love you.”

Those were the last words my soul would ever whisper to you.

Now I feel weak, not because I’ve lost my heart and my soul, but because now I’ve lost my entire heart. All for who?

For someone that has now erased my whole entire sunshine, every single waking day,

From the one you always made smile, just not with all of your heart,

~Jackeline.  

 

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